I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
MIDGETS
????
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
