its not stalking. its research.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
