sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
