onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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