yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
