He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
