You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
