I'm so fucking centered right now
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
