Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
