East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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