Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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