my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
