My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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