My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
