so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
