Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
