If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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