I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
