So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
