The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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