i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
