areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Be still, my beating vagina.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
