Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
