I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
