Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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