my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I cut my penus on the lid.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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