she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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