I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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