Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
