last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
