Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
