stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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