I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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