And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
