do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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