we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
