i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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