i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
