i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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