i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
