I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Randomize
