i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
