thus making me awesome and them whores
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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