Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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