You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
