With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
