Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
