If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
