talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
