i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
