I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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