Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
