I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
