I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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