idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
