So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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