I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
