it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
