No stitches, just platelets and will power
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
