either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
