I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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